Fat fuck

If I'm sick enough that I stay home, that's a big deal. Today is the first day of the whole school year that I have stayed home sick, and within good reason. I sound like Miley Cyrus and when I cough it makes me almost purge. I don't know why, but I keep sneezing and I'm having trouble swallowing food. Yesterday I didn't want to stay home because I was terrified of my brother bothering me, I only stayed home today because my Mom promised me that he wouldn't and if he did he would get kicked. As soon as a walked in the door and ten to ten he started questioning me. It's almost one down it's slowly gotten worse.

I told him nicely "Please leave me alone, I'm tired and sick and don't want to deal with anything right now." But no, because why would I be treated with any respect? I just wish my Dad would come home soon and save, I'm afraid he's going to go insane and try to hurt me. I can't make any loud noises or he comes running. He kicked me off my Dad's computer because he had to make a phone call, which he probably will never make. He keeps asking me money even though he owes me money before for. He's trying to guilt trip me by saying that I can't get my money back until I give him more because he needs a doctors note to get back to work. He's stomping around, slamming doors and throwing stuff because I won't give him money. I don't have money on me to begin with and he expects me to go out, sick and all (actually I've been out today, but that wasn't a good experience) and get him the money. I won't. I'm tired of being used as a bank machine, I worked for my money and I will not give it someone who used all their money on drugs and alcohol. He then asked if I could give him my bank card and number, claiming that he "wouldn't remember it anyway". So two weeks down the road when my card goes missing and all the cash is gone, who could I blame? Myself? Yea, I'd have to blame me for being the idiot to such a stupid thing, so I'm not going to. And now he's mad at me.

He is mad at me because I refuse to give him money that he should have. When my family was starving a few years ago, and he had a small job, he didn't lend the money to my parents so they could buy food, he bought an iPod. He has no values, I may not like my family as much as I should but I care enough to lend them a lot of money if they need it (I may complain as well). But he would rather spend all he makes on stupid things. He even spent part of his OSAP on alcohol. OSAP is meant to help students who come from low-income families get through school, that means tuition, rent, books, supplies and food. Last time I checked, you don't need to get drunk to get a degree, just saying. And he tells me that I must have low intelligence because I yelled at him. I yelled at him because sensible talking doesn't seem to make sense to him. It's as if you have to get mad at him so that he can understand what you want. Then when you get mad, he insults you so you stop trying to argue with him because it's pointless. If I wanted to argue with a eight year old, I would. But they could a better argument without even understanding the purpose of the whole thing.

And all in all, he's not going to get kicked out, unless I go into some meltdown state, and I kind of feel like having one.