They're huge.

Deleted scenes.

Something my blog tends to experience, I always completely deletes my entries and start over. It may be part of some mild OCD thing I got going on, or I thought of something better to waste my time typing about. That's just me though. Maybe I'll just mix a ton in at once...

Self esteem. According to my Family and Individual Studies class (yes, I'm that cool) I have the most self esteem out of everyone there. But for some odd reason that part of me refuses to reflect on people from across the world. I tend to become afraid, of what people who don't even know me, and what they think of me. A clear sign I need a real life and possibly a lack of childish tendencies. Sometimes I want to let go of all I, "built" , up on, leave, never come back. No give up, start over, something new, not something that hurts me. I've been told I'm ugly and fat by more people over the internet than I have in real life. My brothers don't count in that for the record. Why is that? Probably because they think they can hide cowardly behind the screen and laugh at my reaction. I don't insult anyone's appearance, because honestly, I don't care. You could be 4 feet tall and 200 pounds, and that truthfully would not affect the way I see you, probably because I have values in my event less life.

Faking you. Yes, faking who you are just so something will accept you. It's like the grade school thing, when a close friend would fake and become interested in, say, basketball to impress some guy. Now, in high school, that's childish. It's stupid, and never works. Because at that point we can read others feelings, and see through them. I see through people everyday, do I bother to point it out? No. Let it be. Let them go down their own path, why help someone who will take years to help. I'm not talking about the already mentioned scenario. I'm referring to someone who is hurting, and won't express it, because their afraid. I, would be that person, if I gave her a chance to show herself. Contradiction.

Love. Lose is just as strong as word as hate, and everyone likes to look that over. Love is something everyone is supposed to need. You don't need love, you want it, you crave it, you think you can't live without it. But you can. You don't need love to live, like you do for water, food and shelter. Love is an extra, if your lucky you will love. I refuse to love, or trust. The world I feel like I live in is shattered, love is there, but I refuse to feel it. I won't feel it, never.

Emotions. Everyone has them, but I like to think that everyone is the same in that way. Some show their emotions more. I was told I'm good at that. After randomly bursting into tears during a class. I don't like to cry in public, but I'd like to be a wacko and blame my star sign. Because mine, to me makes sense. I'm truly a gentle cry baby. No one will believe me when I say it's true. But my real emotions inflict on that very sign. And I am proud to say that. The odd kid who sits in the back and talks in a creepy monotone voice. You probably think he is an emotionless object. I think he is a puzzle. He needs to have pieces rearranged.

This. Is the story of my life. And yes they are big. I like them like that.