Talk to me

I know everyone has a voice. To speak their opinions in whatever way they please. But a father figure's reflection on his children in a homophobic way is wrong and out of line.

What makes you think it is alright to completely dismiss someone because of their sexuality? Elton John, you insult him because he likes men? Why? Is that wrong? Socially unacceptable? No, it is not. Not respecting people is socially unacceptable. Don't even try to preach to me about being rude, because I certainly don't go around talking to people, whom may even be gay, bashing a sexuality. That's rude, and an improper thing for someone like you, who thinks they are always right, to do.

If you are always right, then why has your country accepted the fact that there are other people out there who are going to like others from the same gender? Is that not a stab in the face to you? Does that not affect you? You are wrong. I am right and so are many others that you insult for their lack of knowledge.

No one cares if people told you, you could do great things. Are you doing great things right now? You have raised a family on yelling and physical threats. That's a great thing. You drive a transport truck, and you wouldn't be there if some dumb ass with no insurance didn't decide to try and take you off this Earth. Sometimes I wish he did. But I need you here, just to prove you wrong.

Maybe it is wrong for me to bash you, and other homophobic people like this. You and others probably think that this makes me no better than you. But the difference, is I am standing up for legions of people who are afraid to speak up. No I am not a lesbian, nor bisexual. But it is people like you who make those people afraid. Afraid of what others may think of them, just because they are different.

Everyone is different, but what makes your sexuality change a person's outlook on you? You have your own son talking like some homophobic maniac now, congratulations. The words "And his sister is a full blow lesbian now...yea that's messed up." Ring through my ears like the sound of a gunshot. You, his father have thought his that being gay is wrong. Like a punishment, your gay, you will be forever treated like something new.

Why is it so disgusting of the idea that your sexuality runs in the genes? You know it doesn't. And if it did I suppose you would have to worry about it would you? Your a hundred percent straight aren't you? Then stop making it sound like it's the end of the world.
Do you know how much it hurt when you thought I was a lesbian? Not the fact that you actually thought, just the idea of you hating me, just because you feel I would have not been acceptable to the world. Are you aware that girls are different then boys? Things you say hurt. All the time. Nothing you say can ever change them.

Time will forever go on, but I will never be able to forgive you. Nor will I ever become a Mormon. I believe in equality, that means for every human, gay, straight or even mentally challenged. Everyone deserves a change to live, to feel like they belong here. You will ruin peoples lives, you've already ruined my early teen years, and my view on someone whom I used to love and respect.

I could never love someone who believes that someone else is lower than them because of who they choose to live their lives with. Love is love, no matter how it is displayed. Everyone should be able to open up their weary eyes into another's life. Then we would all know how to feel.
Sometimes I just lay and bed and think of other people and their lives. How it would feel to be constantly beaten, to feel like their is no escape to anything, to feel real. I love empathy, everyone should practise empathy. I am constantly crying for people who exists, but I don't know them. How would it feel to be gay? Would I be accepted? When someone disown me? I like to think the worst of everything to feel everything. It's like a high to me, to truly try to feel other's pain.

Do you know why people accept others into their groups? Because they are real people. Real people have whole hearts. I don't know whether I would be considered one, but you certainly would not. No questions, I bet if your car sales person Shawn told you he was gay, you would ignore him and talk shit about him to us. Saying how you most likely already knew. Lies, you would lie. Want to know why? Because you would be in shock. Shocked to find out someone you have known for years was something else. But he is confiding something in you and you are forced to listen. To be the good friend he thought you were.

I am sick and tired of you. You disgust me. Sometimes you are a decent person, you seem to care. But most of time you make comments that should never curse anyone's lips.
Your going to miss me when I'm gone. I have now realized that you think of me as your only hope. Hope to succeed. But you caused your other two children to fail. If a child needs help learning, you get the help, especially if this help was being given already, but you decided to cut off the life lines. You just killed your children's learning ability. Just because you don't want your children to be different. I'd prefer to be different and not struggling as opposed to being what is considered to be normal and being miserable because I can't seem to get school right.
Do I understand? You want someone to bring your last name on, with pride. Well I will, but not until I lay to rest any suspicions that you made a positive impact on my life. You don't want me to my a psychologist, why? Don't you want to be the proud father? I don't want to be a lawyer, I'd prefer to make people feel better with words, not money.

When you ask, "Will you take care of me when I'm older?" What do you want me to say? Sure of course, but what about Grandma? You just openly said we weren't going to take care of her, because it would be awkward. I know everyone says contradictions like that, but you get upset when I say I won't? Just because I won't give you money I earn so you can go bet it away doesn't mean I don't care. It means I'm just like you.

This is probably the most real, and meaningful thing I'm ever going to write. There are no messages to decode, and I am no where from the end. Suit up.

If your father called you, say, retarded? How would you feel? Retarded? Try hurt. And maybe a little retarded. There are tones of voice, you seem to know them fairly well considering you are constantly accusing me of using a rude one. But your tone when you say "You're retarded." Is not a joke, it's honest, like that's how you really feel. I will never be you, if I was you you'd hate me even more. Isn't that funny?

If you were just like me I'd go crazy. But it would be better, I don't think honestly that people are, fat, stupid or ass holes. It's probably one of the only ways I know how to react after all those years.

I can't sleep, my keyboard is loud, and my headphones block out all sound so I won't be able to hear if anyone comes down the hall. Getting in trouble is worth typing this. Sometimes the truth needs to be set free.

Straying from the original topic of this whole ordeal. I don't know how I was raised. Something like, insulting others is fine, being a contradicting hypocrite is alright as well, and while your at, why not feel the need to insult people frequently, because you can. I can, and you are my favourite target.

Maybe one day you'll realize what hell you have broken loose. I am upset and not afraid to tell the whole base of internet readers. But never again will I tell someone who can do something. I don't want to go through that again.

Never again will I want to sit on a lonely couch in a heartless living room, trying to lie my way out of a hole I dug. Yes, I told them that I don't like you. You used to put your hand around their necks when you were really mad, squeezing, just so there was slight pain. That you make threats. "One day I'm just going to drop you." Drop me? At a foster home? Please do. Oh wait, your going to beat me senseless because I told someone the truth? Okay, you know what, be my guest, I could use more reasons to tell about.

That social worker was right. I do hide my emotions. Because they to you are a weakness. How am I supposed to show weakness to a person with no pity? Sometimes I wish we back at the funeral, when you hugged me, and I felt like I could cry and never have to worry about anything.
You may have known him longer, and loved him more, but if you wrote both of our personalities out, both pros and cons. He would be disgusted with you. I don't blame him for being disgusted with me either. But I am used to be openly hated and insulted my people who I thought loved me, so nothing matters anymore. Why would something matter if it hurts? Why would someone matter if they hurt?

My point to this whole nearly five page rant: You need a reality check, and I want some scary huge wrestler turned social worker to help aid the way.

Cross my heart and hope to die.