My mind is spinning

How so? My thoughts are scattered. Stubborn, I do not want what I want. I can't have it because it against anything I've every said. I'd like to avoid being a hypocrite for a little while. At least to stray far from things I've made out to be terrible.

It. Is something. Something I refuse to believe I want. I can't. I won't. Why?

I don't know if it was the eerie staring I was receiving. The broken glass chewing of sound. Terrible, yet so beautiful. Find words I could not say myself. Stare with words of passion.

I'd like to believe I have some of my own emotions under control. But if you have been called crude names and put down your whole life, maybe holding back tears isn't your choice anymore. Hone someone left the damn sprinklers on again.

"Why are you so fat?"
"Are you hungry fatty?"
"Hey ugly."
"You know what? You are a bitch."
"Bitch bitch bitch"
"Don't talk I hate the sound of your voice."
"Wanna go to the the nut barn, wacko?"
"We made a bet seeing if you would ask for food...you own him a dollar."
"You physco bitch, shut the fuck up."
"You have no friends, loser."
"Why are you so messed up?"
"No one loves you, did you know that?"
"What are you? A lesbian? What the hell is wrong with you?"
"Your a jerk, I'm going to drop you."
"One day someone's going to teach you a real lesson."

Why am I fat? I don't know, have you seen your brother?
More thirsty, thanks for asking though.
Hey Andrew.
Thanks Daddy, that's the best thing you can say to a broken crying child.
Ha ha ha.
Do you? I should pick up some Halls...
I'd like to leave this hell-hole very much.
FOOD? WHERE I'D EAT IT OFF THE GROUND!
Sorry I offended you by living.
Somehow that always made me cry. Because it felt true.
Messed up people come from messed up families.
I wish no one would love me, then they wouldn't care.
If I was, would you disown me? Make my life worse? Go on.
Touch me once and I'll have child services get all your children taken away in seconds.
One day this won't hurt anymore.

Today, I realized what means something to me and what doesn't. You can beat me up multiple times, I will bruise, I was break, but never will my heart ache. You insult me once and forever will I live in woe.

Sometimes I wish that perfect was a real.