Stress

I guess it's always been a good part of me, that part that can't show how I really feel. I can't tell anymore how I feel. It's like I belong in Brave New World. But still, it's good, I appear to be happy around people who are not, it's better for life this way. No one will worry about you, so they can live their life.

But I'm about to crack. Not a "I'm going to burst into tears at something someone says because it triggered something sensitive." I'm about to jump off a building, slash my wrists, put a gun to my head. I can't think anymore, I've lost everything I've ever thought I had. I hate almost everyone that I'm supposed to love. I feel used nd defeated. No one cares about what I need to live. No one understands what's going on in my head. And it's my fault. I can't talk to anyone anymore because I don't want to sit at my computer crying for 4 hours just because I can' handle something.

I've lost all will to eat, and I don't remember the last time I had a proper meal. This family is so messed up beyond belief. I want to leave, but I'm a crutch. They'll never let me leave, I just want to be free.